Simple Passion
Before
Before I was born
I was a drop of dew
hanging heavily
at the tip of a leaf
waiting
waiting
waiting
before I close my eyes
and let go
It was a bungy jump
just to be here
My Poems and Me
It only depends on
laughters and smiles
these poems
would’ve been dead by now
If only depends on tears
I
Would’ve been dead by now
Misty Morning
My gut rises
up to where my throat begins
forms a lump there
and chokes me
Misty morning in Brusata
from room number 17 on the third floor
I watch the Alps coming to life far away
and I realize that the vines
creeping up the wall outside my window
are roses
The lump in my throat chokes me
the longing for your warmth is so strong
you can see it radiates
through the skin of my chest
Mute Morning
The fog has cleared
From the window of my Van Gogh room
I can see
the monks’ robes hanging on the lines
in the autumn colored garden
blown by the wind’s soft breeze
The grapefruit juice is having a great wild time
at my chapped dry lips
in the middle of the quietness
I’m wondering if I can ever feel or think
or do anything
without involving you
No
Love Letter
Please excuse
my juvenile way
of loving you
but every action
carries a meaning
and every word
is true
Destructive Love
Patches
sewn on the blue heart
have your name
handwritten
covering wine stains
and cigarette burns
Like Water
Like water
escaping between my fingers
unstoppable
getting away from my begging hand
Like water
it dries out
before my thirst is satisfied
Thursday Child
Thursday child
will travel far
And today
the child is sitting in front of an open window
with Marlboro Light between her lips
watching heavy clouds rolling
above Old Delhi
seeing lightning
waiting for thunder
29th Floor Suite
From here
dusk is deep
and dawn looks
more violet than ever
The maroon sheet
and golden pillow
sigh emphatically
for my blue heart
Bleed
Bleeding womb
bleeding heart
not a Frida Kalo’s
bleeding picture
but my real bleeding palms
Mamallapuram
Say your prayer for me
Young Gypsy
so I can have faith
like your thin stomach has faith
Like the rocks on the shore
stand the test of time
you too must
face the dry burning wind
against your young skin
Your eyes
Young Brother
look at me like I am your crying baby sister
and you’re the wise old one
Behind the Hills
Somewhere behind these hills
is Vientiane
Although I can’t see you this time
I know we’ll meet again
somewhere in the middle
maybe somewhere by the sea
when another one of your wishes for
comes true
Your Eyes
I’m a good swimmer
drown
in the clear water pond
that are your eyes
Legian Beach, Bali
Between the moom
and you
I choose the one
who’s willing
to grow with me
through the consequences
Time is short
The answer must be had
before the next wave breaks
Quiet Prayer
Like an evening that goes down
to twenty six degree
you also stir so so gently
in your sleep
Dreams of rainbow brige
and jasmine garlands
pass like gentle breeze
under your heavy eyelids
The white sheet smells
like morning sunshine
and fragrant rose petals
fall like rain on your face
You wonder what’s happening
It’s only me
miles and dimensions away from you
whispering your name
wishing you well
This Is How You Killed Me
When I called out for you
you didn’t answer loud enough
When the wind was to blow me away
you didn’t hold my hand strong enough
When I said I didn’t understand
you didn’t explained enough
When I was dying
you didn’t cry hard enough
What Do You Bring When You Come
Your pity?
or burning jealousy?
Your money?
your body?
or goodwill charity?
Or your hands
Empty but extended
to hold mine
Compassion
Your compassion
leaves me feeling small
maybe that’s the point
so you can then come in
and be the grand savior
Your compassion
is not of my taste
Goodbye
You can’t even calculate
the distance between reality and dream
So stop the b.s.
I should be moving on
And after I’m gone
please learn calculation
start from there
from where you’re standing
to the front door
Misguided Angel
Last time
you’re at home
you broke the glass window
to let the sunshine in
Secrets
Underneath you
clinging to your shoulders
I blindly bared my soul to you
You were not listening
too busy climaxing
which is good
since half of what I was saying
you’re not supposed to know
Candlelight Memorial in Amsterdam
Going by tram
passing cnal after canal to sing a song for you
under spring sunshine at Damrak
What makes me miss you more
is the people who look so much like you
warm like the spark in your eye
soft like your words
Lullabied by church bells
a thousand white balloons are set free
one is carrying your name
and my prayers
who are you crying for? asks the man next to me
Someone special, I say
Who has grown big white wings
on his back
It gets dark afterwards
in a corner of a cafe near the station
I order a fin and tonic
and save you a chair
Coffee
A cup of coffee
an ocean full of meanings
delivering story after story
of sadness and happiness
of my adult life
Bhakti
If even a gentle look
Is difficult for me to give you
Only behind closed curtain
I kneel and clasp my hands together
begging hard
so that everything that’s good and nice
will come to you
A Journey Into Myself
My silk sandals are muddy
and I swear there’s nothing I hate more than Mumbai
But as you pass by
I hide my face in embarrassment
The iron pipes you’re pushing on your old cart
is a metaphor of your life
pushing your strength against the world
on your old shaky legs
with no encouragement nor luck
And the evening woman
that you pay ten rupee
I know her too
She bows and touches my foot
everytime she sees me
and to this I also hide my face in ambarrassment
because she’s so pure and humble
while I’m borrowing her gold crown to play God
The Poet Who Falls Asleep
From her fingers
words blossom
lines woven
stories of life
grow to become adult
name and date
are signed on the
open wound
on her breast
Dream has been dreamed
and life has been lived
before she falls asleep
Vidya, The Child I Never Have
Vidya is eye
My two eyes and his one eye
Melt into two big deep dark brown eyes
So tenderly swallow you alive
Lke mine
Like his
Like nothing you’ve ever seen before
Said I, ofcourse, a proud mom, what else
Vidya is Picture
Fine black and white
And Kodakchrome too
Gray zone wide as the wheatfields
we saw by the US interstate highways
So bold a line
In the softest color that gives you floaty dreams
at four in the morning
Going around
around
round
To the place where he and I first made love
Stop
Full circle
Vidya is Sight
Blinks blinks blinks so fast
Turns the other way
Stabs hard
Burns
Because all that can be seen is me
Trembling of caffeine overdose
Lungs congested with smoke from the purifying fire
White widow sari
china ink stained
Vidya is blindness
Touch me feel me
When seeing is no longer necessary
Only weak gestures of an old woman anyway
whose misty eyes
the nurse follow
‘Any children we can call for you’ the ask
Only Vidya, said I,
With her golden wingsAand her father’s eyes
The 26th Spring
I’ve grown
but still the same
as the girl you portrayed
in your story
about the young couple,
their frangipani tree
and Torito the black puppy
All dogs go to heaven
flowers back to earth
and you sailed away
perfect when I last touched you
perfect now from afar
I’ve grown another year
fulfilling my script
that I wrote with you
At dawn on my birthday
I’ll be on my way to San Francisco
The Mystery I
Have you ever been happier
Than when you are with me
Have you ever been lonelier
Than you are with me
I want to know the truth
But if it’s just gonna make me sad
Then I want to hear you lie
Although human mind knows
No limit
It gives up when trying to
Comprehend love
Because even the smallest moleculre
Cannot bear being
Heartbroken
25/3-2000
The Mystery II
I know bullshit
When I hear one
But because of the love
I have for you
Even bullshit
Are forgiven
Are human stupid
Or is that it’s
Mean to be human
After all?
Beats Me!
Jika Kau Sayang Padaku
Jika kau sayang padaku
terslah sayang padaku
karena itu cintamu
Aku hanya bisa menerima
dan hidup di dalamnya
penuh bahagia.
Jika kau benci padaku
bertanyalah pada dirimu
apamu yang terganggu
dengan adanya aku
dan situ kita berdua belajar
siapa kau
dan siapa aku
Jika kau sama denganku
jangan sesali kepergianku
karena kehilangan yang terbesar
bukanlah kemauanku
tetapi apa yang mati di antara kita
ketika aku masih ada
Dan jika cinta memang ada di antara
kita
aku tak akan pergi jauh darimu
hidup terus di hatimu
menghangatkanmu dalam kemarahan
membawa senyum dalam saat sepi
aku tidak tahu
aku tidak mati
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